Consider "Nim," a 32-year-old artist in Bangkok. She uses the term kathoey for herself and calls her orientation ying rak ying —"woman loving woman." Her partner, a cisgender woman, identifies as queer. Nim explains: "I am not trying to be a 'biological woman.' I am a ladyboy. I wear makeup and a dress, and my body is feminine, but I keep my original parts. When I love my girlfriend, it is not a man loving a woman. It is a feminine person loving another feminine person. That is a lesbian feeling—even if my ID card says male."
Unfortunately, popular media often reduces the ladyboy lesbian to a pornographic category or a comedic trope—the "woman with a penis" who shocks or titillates. This obscures the mundane reality: these are women and non-binary people seeking the same intimacy, partnership, and community as anyone else. ladyboy lesbian
For her, "lesbian" does not just mean "woman who loves women." It means: a feminine or semi-feminine person, understood by her community as not-a-man, who desires intimate, same-gender relationships with other feminine people. Consider "Nim," a 32-year-old artist in Bangkok