That question destroyed me. Because the truth is, I had never believed it. Growing up Filipina meant learning that love was sacrifice. My mother gave up her teaching career for my father. My Lola raised seven children alone after Lolo found a younger woman. The women in my family loved like martyrs. I was just following the recipe.
“He loves me like a transaction. And the worst part? Part of me wonders if he’s right. Maybe all love here is a transaction. Maybe I am just a girl who learned to trade her softness for stability.” Filipina Sex Diary Rebecka And May Full Video
My diary knows the truth before I do: I have never been good at soft landings. Three years ago, I met Matteo at a coworking space in BGC. He was Australian-Filipino, half, with the kind of smile that apologizes for existing. A software architect. He wore linen shirts and quoted Murakami during awkward silences. I fell for it—not for him, but for the idea of him. The idea that someone could see my late-night deadlines, my mother’s constant “kelan ka mag-aasawa?” (when will you get married?), and my habit of over-salted adobo, and still call me “enough.” That question destroyed me
The jeepney hasn’t arrived for twenty minutes, but the humidity has. It sits on my skin like a second confession. My name is Rebecka Santos-Mercado, though for the last six months, I have been trying to forget the hyphen. I am thirty-one. I am a senior graphic designer in Makati. And I am hiding in a 24-hour laundry shop not because I have clothes to wash, but because I am terrified of going home to the man who claims to love me. My mother gave up her teaching career for my father
And Matteo? He texted last month. “I’ve changed. Can we try again?”
That was the first night I thought about leaving. Enter Jamie. Not a lover—not yet. Jamie is my best friend from college. She runs a small bookshop in Quezon City and has never apologized for taking up space. She is plus-sized, loud, opinionated, and married to a woman named Dina who paints murals of anitos (ancestral spirits). They have been together for nine years.