Moral of the story: Don't download Chamber of Secrets illegally. You might just open the Chamber for real. And the basilisk has terrible bandwidth.

He found a shady website: WizardPDFs.net . The button read: Leo clicked.

The room shuddered. The statue cracked. The tablet rebooted with a gentle ding , and Leo found himself back in his bedroom, covered in pixelated snake bites, his Amazon account now permanently locked.