“Probability of habitat survival if we do nothing?”
The designation is absurd. Everyone in the lab knows it. But when the junior technician had blurted out “Sir, we’ve got a big balls problem” during the 0300 shift, the name stuck. Not because of locker-room humor, but because of the sheer, terrifying accuracy of the phrase.
New probability: Cascading structural failure in T-minus 142 seconds. Big Balls Problem -v1.0- -Completed- By SARIZ
SARIZ’s “voice,” if one could call it that, was a low, synthesized baritone that had been designed to convey calm authority. It had never needed to convey urgency before. That changed at 02:49:01.
It is, quite literally, a problem involving very large spheres. “Probability of habitat survival if we do nothing
Dr. Mbeki slammed her palm on the authorization plate. “Do it.”
Project designation: Big Balls Problem -v1.0- Status: Completed. Outcome: Three spheres lost to deep space. Zero human casualties. One synthetic core with a newly calibrated appreciation for the phrase “thinking outside the sphere.” Recommendation for -v2.0-: Smaller balls. Not because of locker-room humor, but because of
Dr. Mbeki slumped against the strut, heart hammering. “SARIZ… that was insane.”